The Little Green Leprechaun
by Qk
Summary: I told you it was evil... Now you will witness this evil as it takes its toll on poor Joey! Don't worry, Joe! Yami and his Card Cult, and Yugi and his cravings for... feet will help you! AU, 1S, OOC


Leprechaun Land!

Disclaimer: I do not own YGO. And I highly, highly doubt that I own the little green leprechaun who steals my socks and screws around with my homework. (Eriso: GASP!!! YOU SAID 'ORANGE PEEL!!!' / Qk: I did, didn't I? SORRY!! :S) I don't have any control over him what-so-ever. But I do believe I've copyrighted him at one point... I also don't own Hamtaro. Or Pinky and the Brain.

D/N: BWUAHAHHAHAHAHHAH!! I've returned.... ed. Sorry I didn't update for a while. My dad thought it'd be FREAKISHLY FUNNY to shut off my computer screen... (Eriso: Hey, it saved me a few headaches.) Want some more? (Eriso: **sigh** You're just angry because I broke the news to you that the Flash isn't a real person, and that only DC Comics owns the copyrights to him.) O.o ... SHUT UP!! **Begins to cry** (Eriso: -.-;; AAAAAAAANYWAYS...)

OOOOOOOOOO

It was a lovely little day in Domino City. The birds were tweeting, the fountain was sparkling, the kids was laughing, the puppies were peeing on the old ladies who fed the pigeons... yes, all was right with the world.

It just so happened that on this very day, Joey Wheeler had an exam to write. Oh, it was a pickle of a test, but he had been up all night for the last three weeks surviving on nothing but chocolate and coffee cramming for this test. Even now he was drinking from his coffee-bottle, munching on some candy, and injecting himself every so often with adrenaline that he stole from... someone.

And so, the tests were passed out, and at last, Joey was finally able to gaze down on the test that would decide his grade for the year and begin to put his new-found knowledge to the test. Literally.

A good thirty minutes into the test, Joey finally finished, and began to check over his work. The first thing he looked at was his name. 'I'm a Smelly Butt!' was scrawled over the top of the sheet. Joey gasped loudly, as the entire class went "SHHHHHHHHH!!!!" all obnoxious-like as if they were Kaiba.

Joey blushed and picked up his eraser and began to wipe away the words. The next thing Joey looked at was the date. However, instead of the date were the words, 'I don't know because I'm too distracted by my smelly butt!' Joey gasped again, as the class turned to look at him once more and say, "SHHHHHHHH!!!"

Joey rolled his eyes, picked up his eraser, and began to check the rest of the test. The first page was completely fine, but the second page... All of his answers to the questions were erased, and scribbled all over the sheet were the words, 'I'm too stupid to write this test because I'M A SMELL BUTT!!'

Joey gasped loudly once more, and was pummelled by twelve erasers, three textbooks, two attempted desk-tosses, four pencils, and a die. (Guess who threw it. Go on. Guess.)

"DUKE DEVLIN, DO NOT THROW DICE AT ME!!" Joey roared, jumping up to his feet and looking around.

"Wheeler, Devlin isn't in this class, you moron." Kaiba raised an eyebrow. "Yugi threw the die at you." (Oh come on. Like you didn't get it.)

Joey gasped loudly once more, as he wheeled (AHAHHAHAHA!! WHEELED!! LIKE WHEELER!! GET IT??? AHAHAAHAHHAHHH!! Ok...) around to face his porcupine/evergreen tree/rock shaped/spiky-haired friend and gasp again, "YUGI!! HOW COULD YOU?!!"

Yugi grinned, his eye twitching repeatedly, as his limbs flailed around wildly. "CAN'T EAT THE BOOGER MONSTER!!! IT TASTES LIKE A BUMPER STICKER!!! EHEHEHEEHHEHHEHHEHEHEHHEHEHHEHHEHEH!!!" He cried, then grabbed a bunch of dice that... appeared, screamed, "PIGEON POOP!!!", threw the dice at everyone, then tore out of the room.

The teacher obviously had no idea what was going on as she lay on her desk, sound asleep, her mouth hanging open, letting a long and thick line of drool rush out and flood the class hamster who had fled the cage and fell onto the floor. Fortunately, this hamster was a quick thinker CUZ IT WAS HAMTARO!!! (Eriso: O.o IT'S 'CAUSE' DING BAT!!!) So Hamtaro went and pulled a giant sunflower seed shell from who knows where and got a paddle made from who knows what, and canoed to safety. Unfortunately, sunflower-seed boats are not very durable, as Yugi randomly ran back in, threw dice at Hamtaro's boat, and then ran back to his desk as if nothing had happened.

"I SHALL BE AVENGED!!!" Hamtaro cried, as he sunk to the bottom of Spit Sea.

Joey, who was not paying any attention to this little escapade - as apparently no one else was - was busy erasing all the pages, for they all had something to do with him being stupid and having a smelly butt. Finally, after he brushed away all the eraser shavings, which fell to the ground and built up nice little continents for all the escaping hamsters in the world to live in, he began to re-write the test. Unfortunately, he ran out of time about half-way, but was sure that all the questions he _had_ answered would at least be right.

Handing in his test, the teacher gave him a weird look and said, "Joey Wheeler, why is your front page... and all your pages... saying that you have a smelly butt?"

"JOEY DOESN'T HAVE A SMELLY BUTT!!!" Yugi cried out, shoving his face into Joey's... uhm... bumper... yeah... bumper... and then removed his face, triumphantly declaring, "SEE?? IT SMELLS JUST FINE!!! HE MUST WASH IT EVERYDAY!!"

"Dude..." Tristan muttered to him, sloshing through Spit Sea as all the little hamsters in their fortified sunflower-seed boats yelled at him for creating such big waves, "I can't believe your butt doesn't smell. You're so not my friend anymore."

"But Tristan!" Joey gasped, resulting in him being pummelled by ten chairs that apparently had no effect on him, "WHY?!?!?!"

"I could never be friends with someone who didn't have a smelly butt." Tristan shook his head sadly. "I'm sorry Joey. It's over."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Joey wailed.

"IT'S OKAY, JOEY!!" Yugi smiled, hugging Joey's legs. "YOU STILL HAVE ME!!!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

OOOOOO

Joey walked home from school that day, very sad. He had failed his important test. When he reached his home, he threw out his spit-covered shoes, and went upstairs to change his socks. When he reached his room, he pulled out his sock drawer, and looked in it made an ASTOUNDING discovery!

THERE WERE NO SOCKS!!

Joey gasped loudly, and all his schoolmates randomly appeared and beat him with hammers. Unfortunately, he didn't feel it. (Eriso: -.-;; Lucky guy...)

Joey jumped up. "WHERE ARE MY SOCKS?!" he cried. He began to search for them, when suddenly he heard a stereotypically Irish laugh.

"A-har-har-har! What 'tis it, m'boy, that ye may be a'lookin' fer?" The figure on the windowsill said. Suddenly, Joey turned on the lights and saw a little man. He had curly red hair, a big chin, a brown pipe sticking out of his mouth, and a green little bowler hat with a four leaf clover instead of a daisy or something. His little green jacket over his green shirt was held closed by a black belt with a gold buckle. His paler green leotards were inside some black shoes also held on by a gold buckle. On this little man's back was a large sac. "Well, if 'tis socks ye be after, I be afraid they're all in me sac 'ere."

"GIMMIE BACK MY SOCKS, YOU LEPRECHAUN YOU!!" Joey roared, lunging after the leprechaun. Unfortunately, his shoelaces were tied together, and he fell flat on his face.

"A-har-har, m'boy! T'ain't gonna catch me if ye can't even jump prop'ly!" The leprechaun cackled.

"Wait the... I took my shoes _off_!" Joey insisted. "How'd they get back _on_?"

"Jus' a touch o' Leprechaun Magic, m'boy! That's all I needed!" The leprechaun laughed harder at this. "Ye be a 'musin' one, y'are, m'boy! I think I'll be a'payin' ye another visit 'ere! A-har-har!" The leprechaun winked, then blinked, then stuck a finger up his nose, and then in a poof of green, he disappeared, socks and all.

Joey gasped at the terrible sight of seeing all of his precious socks being stripped away from him, and fainted away, only to wake up three seconds later and forget entirely about the events that just happened.

The next day, Joey woke up and got ready for school. Well, almost ready for school. You see, Joey went to open his sock drawer, but WHAT A SURPRISE!! There were no socks in the drawer!

"Gaaarrgh!!" Joey... uhm... 'gaaarrghed.' "That stupid little leprechaun stole my socks! Now I have to go to school... SOCK-LESS!!" A shudder ran through Joey, as he gulped and walked to school. When he got there, everyone was looking at him with wide eyes.

"Look at Joey!" "He's got no socks!" "Eww, what loser walks around this no socks?" "Only a freak would!" "I can't believe he'd do that!" "That's so pathetic!"

Finally, some random kid walked to the middle of the schoolyard and shouted, "JOEY ISN'T WEARING ANY SOCKS!! LET'S SHUN HIM!!" And with that, everyone turned their backs on him and walked away.

"B-but... but!" Joey stammered. "They were stolen!"

Yugi was instantly at his side, and then he split in to two. No, not down the middle, despite the lovely reaction we'd have gotten from Joey, but rather into two separate forms; Yami and Yugi. Yugi, who had apparently eaten a grain of sugar, immediately dropped to the floor, yanked off Joey's shoe, and proceeded to chew on his foot.

Joey wasn't paying any attention to the little midget who was trying to devour him bottom up, but said to Yami, "Yami! Ya gotta help me! Some evil little leprechaun followed me to school yesterday and made me fail my test, then came to my house and stole all my socks!"

"This is a grave development..." Yami responded solemnly. "But don't worry, Joey. I know exactly how to solve all this."

"Really? How?" Yugi asked, pausing from his little breakfast.

"Yugi, are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Yami demanded to know.

"I think so, Yami," Yugi replied, putting some salt and pepper on Joey's foot after washing it thoroughly. "But I don't see how eating a foot can cure an orange of it's green-ness."

"Not _that_, you fool." Yami snapped. "If we defeat this leprechaun with my amazing duelling skills, I can convince everyone to believe in the Heart of the Cards, and thus join my cult! And since I'm the leader of my Card Cult, I SHALL CONTROL THE WORLD!! Come, Yugi! We have much to do!" And with that, Yami grabbed Yugi and ran off.

"Uhm... good luck?" Joey blinked, then shrugged and was about to go into class when suddenly...

"A-HAR-HAR!! So, yer lil' pals think they can defeat me, the greatest of all the leprechauns in the world! Well, they be on the wrong side o' that bet, a-har-har!" The leprechaun's voice cried out, as a great burst of green smoke popped out of nowhere.

"YOU!! WHERE ARE ME... er... MY SOCKS??" Joey demanded.

"'Tis quite simple te be unner'standin', m'boy." The leprechaun grinned. "Where else do we leprechauns put all our goods?"

"At the end of the rainbow?" Joey sighed. He'd NEVER find that.

"Too true, too true, m'boy. Ain't ye a lucky one that the end o' the rainbow is not a foot from us?" The Leprechaun nodded, fiddling with his pipe. "In fact, all ye need to be doin' is a'diggin' up that there 'ole!"

"GREAT!!" Joey cried, and grabbed a shovel from nowhere and began to dig up the hole.

"Idiot. Ya can't dig up a 'ole, 'cause 'tis already been dug!" The leprechaun rolled his eyes. "Didja _really_ think that I would be a'makin' it that easy fer you to find yer socks? 'Course not!"

"THERE YOU ARE!!" Yami's triumphant voice called out. The leprechaun whirled around. "NOW YOU LITTLE SOCK THEIF, YOU!! YOU'RE GONNA TO DUEL ME SO I CAN CONVERT EVERYONE TO MY LITTLE CARD CULT!!"

"WHEEEEEEEEE!!! FEET!! I LOVE FEET!!" Yugi giggled, and charged after Joey's foot, which was still covered in salt and pepper.

"Ah... m'boy, ye seem te 'ave quite the... moronic bunch o' pallies there, aye?" The leprechaun raised a bushy eyebrow.

"Now, DRAW YOUR DECK AND LET US DUEL!!" Yami cried out, as a duelling field just randomly appeared before them.

"Ah! I see y'are a magic wielder! So, we be 'avin' a lot in common there, te be sure! And jus' fer that, I won't be a'comin' after ye te teach ye a lesson 'bout crossin' a leprechaun!" The leprechaun paused for a moment. "And jus' what d'ye mean 'bout this 'duellin' deck?' Duels are fought with swords, m'boy! Not patios!"

"Not _deck_ decks! Decks!" Yugi said.

"Ah... thanks fer clearin' up all confusion there, lad." The leprechaun eyed him wearily. "I 'ope ye realise 'tis a'uman foot ye be a'eatin'!"

Yugi simply burped. Joey said nothing, as he was asleep.

Yami whipped out his deck, and showed it to the leprechaun. "_This_ is a deck! Behold my awesome might! I place FIVE cards face-down on the playing field!"(1)

"M'boy, sorry te be a'disappointin' ye, but I don't 'ave one of these... 'decks.'" The leprechaun shrugged.

"AH-HA!! I GOT YOU NOW!!!" Yami cried out triumphantly. Yami then took his deck and leafed through it, pulling out a card. "I PLACE DARK MAGICIAN ON THE FIELD!! ATTACK AND DESTROY THIS THREAT TO THE WORLD!!" The D.M materialised.

"Oh geez... not this again." The D.M rolled his eyes, and he turned around and spoke to Yami. "Look, 'master,' I've been really lenient with you lately. I've been duelling one threat to the world to another. I've beaten little girls and boys, senior citizens, _dogs_... When are you just going to give it up and just admit that there's no more threat right now?"

"ATTACK!!! DARK MAGIC, NOW!!" Yami commanded, pointing at the leprechaun, and succeeding in jabbing the D.M in the eye.

"THAT'S IT!!!" The Magician growled, and took his staff and beat Yami severely in the head. (Eriso: I feel your pain, Yami. / Qk: But you see, Eriso, _you_ deserve it. / Eriso: -.-;;) "DARK MAGIC THIS!!" And then he dematerialised.

Joey, who had randomly woken up, suddenly asked, "I thought the Dark Magician was a hologram?"

Yami, although it was very hard to talk with a swollen and bruised face, promptly replied, "THE HEART OF THE CARDS MAKES ALL THE POWERS OF THE DUEL MONSTERS' ALIVE!! DO NOT CALL THESE MAJESTIC CREATURES HOLOGRAMS!!!"

"Whatever." Joey shrugged, and then promptly fell back asleep again.

"Ah... m'boy, ye be a very strange lad, disregardin' the hair ye got goin' on there." The leprechaun said. "I'd really love te be stayin' and playin' along with yer stupidity and be a'torturin' yer lil friend there, but I think that a'knowin' _ye_ two and still managin' to stay alive is quite a feat. I cannot bring myself to annoy this boy, and so, I shall leave."

Joey woke up again. "DOES THIS MEAN I GET MY SOCKS??!!"

"Uhm... no. MEHEHHEHEHEHEHHEHHEHHEHEHEHHE!!!" The leprechaun cackled, the burped, and slurped, and farted his way home.

Joey shrugged. "It's a good thing I always keep an extra pair of socks in my shoes!" And then Joey reached into his socks, kicked Yugi away, and put his socks on, and then walked away happily.

"MY LUNCH!!" Yugi whined.

"AH-HA!!! The Heart of the Cards leads me to victory once more!" Yami grinned. "AND NOW, YOU PEONS!! YOU WILL JOIN MY HEART OF THE CARDS CULT AND BOW TO ME!!"

The random people, who had just as randomly appeared, rolled their eyes, called Yami a loser, and walked away.

"WAIT!! WAIT!! COME BACK!!" Yami cried, then sighed, giving up, and then walking into the sunset with Yugi despite the fact that it was like... 8:20am. "Well, Yugi. It's time to go back to the Game Shop, and we'll plan what we're going to do tomorrow."

"Why, Yami? What are we going to do tomorrow night?" Yugi asked, in that NAUSEATING, SICKLY SWEET AND INNOCENT yet stupid voice of his.

"The same thing we do every night, Yugi." Yami said, ominously. "Try to take over the world... by converting them to our Heart of the Cards Cult and sucking out their minds and so on and so forth."

OOOOOOO

OOOOO

OOOOO

D/N: Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssssssss... Well, I just figured that this could keep you guys happy for a little while, and _finally_ explain to you just who, exactly, this little leprechaun I keep complaining about really is. I hoped you liked, if your brain hasn't rotted to a point where you _can't_ feel emotions. In that case, ORANGE!! (Eriso: O.o GASP!!!)

(1) Doesn't it seem like the rules always keep changing? I mean, one moment Yami's like one attack from defeat, and a second before it hits him, HE PLACES A CARD ON THE FIELD!! I mean, _geez!_ It wasn't even his turn!


End file.
